3.20.22
Today is the Spring Equinox. The promise of change is in the air. As I sit in my easy chair waiting for the first cup of tea of the day to brew, I glance out the window to my right and there, shining so brightly is Venus, the Morning Star, reminding me dawn is about to break. It warms my heart. I needed to see her glimmering in the sky this morning.
The past fortnight has been a challenging one for me. As a rule, I am someone who when they wake up, they are wide awake, ready to face the day. I may lay in bed for a few minutes, snuggled up to my dearest Darrell, thinking of all the things I am grateful for, thinking of what the day will bring, yet of late, that has somehow changed. I find myself waking up and laying there, true, I am still wondering what the day will bring, but it is not with the same sense of joy or eagerness. I am in the doldrums, not something common to me.
It is funny in a way, how when you find yourself not quite yourself you tend to dig deep into your mind, deeper into your soul to try to figure out what is wrong. Often, the deeper one digs the more one finds to examine. Sort of like digging extra deep in your garden soil and uncovering an interesting artifact, buried for years and years. You pick it up, hold it in your hand and rub the dirt off the surface, anxious to see what the light of day will reveal. Life is like that too. We sometimes must rub away the dirt and examine some of those tucked away treasures – for yes, they are treasures – to remind us again how marvelous things are.
I have found myself drifting this past fortnight. My urge to write, which had been like a tidal wave just a few weeks ago slowed to a trickle. My arm, which is healing nicely although still awfully stiff and sore, would allow me to start making soap again, if my heart were in it. A person who normally views life through a glass half full, I find myself looking at dregs instead. This is not me.
Glancing again out the window, the sky has lightened to a baby blue broken up with wispy clouds of grey. Venus is now higher in the sky, not as bright as she was just a short while ago, but still twinkling brilliantly at me. As I sit here, looking at her, I think about the other morning when I walked to the barn, milker in hand. The birds were singing. There was a freshness in the air, you could smell the smells of spring. I walked carefully as worms were out and about, making their way across the damp mud and dirt from one side of the driveway to the other. Shoots of green peeked out of what just a few days ago was bare ground. Spring was coming and now spring is here.
A tear rolls out the corner of my eye. I smile. It is not a tear of sadness but a tear of joy. Darrell comes out into the living room and sits down beside me, cup of coffee in hand. As I glance out the window, Venus has all but disappeared in the morning sky. I glance to my left and see the man most dear to my heart. All of a sudden, I feel my heart swell… with love, with gratitude, with happiness and with peace. My glass is filling up again.
